Newport, Rhode Island -- In a hastily organized news conference held on the docks of an exclusive local yacht club, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke today declared one form of inflation "under control."
"As a result of the fast action of our board of governors, 'sub-core, bracket 3-sensitive inflation' is under control," said Bernanke, who is vacationing in the famed nautical paradise for the christening of his new 60-foot yacht, "The Mighty Dollar."
When asked by reporters to define "sub-core, bracket 3-sensitive inflation," Bernanke noted that it of course excludes the price of food and oil, which are not considered by the Fed in its mission against so-called "core inflation." Runaway price spikes in these two areas in recent months have brought the Fed under some political fire from advocates for the middle class.
This particular form of inflation also excludes, he noted, "the cost of electricity, natural gas, pharmaceuticals, medical care, and baseball tickets."
What it does include, Bernanke noted, are prices in a specific economic bracket targeted by a special subcommittee of Fed governors. Those include, he noted, "luxury automobiles, second homes in the Caribbean, third homes in the Pacific Rim, domestic help and mahogany conference tables." By a series of discount window maneuvers and other "highly targeted" policies, these prices are now under control, he said.
Bernanke declined to explain these policies in any further detail, claiming he had to depart to a local wine and spirits shop to pick up "some bubbly" for his yacht's maiden voyage.
