Washington, D.C. -- In a press conference this afternoon designed to rebut mounting charges that the government's unprecedented spending and increases in federal debt have hurt rather than helped the economy, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs told reporters that the government's "stimulus package" has prevented things "from being much, much worse.""Namely, it has prevented the end of the world," said Gibbs to reporters. Audible gasps were heard in the room, mostly from Fox News Senior White House Correspondent Major Garrett.
"We have learned from sources inside the CIA that aliens were incensed with the policies of the previous administration," said Gibbs. "If we had not acted to take more control of private industry and increase spending immediately, death rays would have wiped out most of the planet. This comes in addition to all of those jobs the stimulus package saved."
Many White House reporters were seen nodding in apparent agreement.
Gibbs noted that this was the "real reason" for President Obama being awarded the Nobel Prize.
The Nobel Peace Prize Committee, Gibbs explained, "has always had several members from outer space."
To mollify the alienated aliens, Gibbs said, $300 million for anal probe equipment was carefully inserted into the stimulus package at the last minute. The line item notes it was provided to an innocuous-sounding "J. Smith Excavations" in Durbin, West Virginia.
Thanks to "highly targeted policies like these" said Gibbs, President Obama has not only improved our standing in the world community, but also, now, in the galactic community."
The press conference ended suddenly however, when an unusual looking reporter asked Gibbs why President Obama was not supporting rebel forces "fighting for fair elections on Sargon 5." Gibbs departed hurriedly without answering the question.
