Epstein Reportedly Signed Beatles Deal with Satan; McCartney, Starr Said Horrified

Liverpool, England -- The late former manager of the Beatles, Brian Epstein, signed a secret pact with the Devil in 1962, binding the Beatles to eternal damnation in exchange for remarkable success while alive. This according to excerpts of newly discovered documents published in the Liverpool News.

The documents, while still being examined by Catholic priests, Protestant ministers and local attorneys familiar with such contracts, have explanatory power, say some experts.

"No doubt, this would explain not only the mind-boggling success of the Beatles throughout the 1960s," said Gordon Flackner, music critic and expert on paranormal phenomena, "but also the constant string of discovered studio tapes leading to new albums, and now, the new Beatles Rock Band video game and successfully reissued Revolver album, both released an incredible 40 years after the breakup of the band."

McCartney, reached at his home in England, is reported to have first said "Poor George, Poor John." Then retorted with, "Well, how do you explain Heather then?" apparently referring to his ex-wife Heather Mills.

He has since gone into seclusion with Catholic priests, Protestant ministers and attorneys familiar with such contracts to see if there are any escape clauses.

Ringo Starr, reached at a local bar in Los Angeles, is reported to have spit out his drink, and then retorted "How do you explain Wings then?" an apparent reference to McCartney's old band.

Starr has reportedly since gone into seclusion at the Playboy mansion.

George Martin, the legendary music producer whose wizardy helped the Beatles work studio magic, and embed secret messages into their songs, simply said "no comment" when reached at a Black Mass held in a farmhouse just outside London.